FRANKLIN WILSON HORNER

Caucasian Male

1. What is your physical description?

Late 40s, black hair with just a bit of gray, athletic, and of medium height. Attractive but starting to show signs of too much drinking.

2. What do you do to make a living?

I make lots of money as the creator and writer for a local children's TV show, "The Waggles." I don't like kids. At all. But the money is awesome.

3. Outside of work, what hobby, interest, or sport occupies most of your time, and why do you find it interesting?

I spend most of my time and money drinking and womanizing. I am pretty certain I am the greatest gift to women to ever walk the earth. After getting to know me, most women seem to disagree. Their loss.

4. What is your opinion on the United States legal system and what are your experiences with it?

It is the best! Do you know how many DUIs I've had? If you have money, the rules don't seem to apply to you.

5. What is your level of concern for the well-being of others, and how do you demonstrate this in your life?

I don't dislike other people or wish them harm. I usually just think of myself first. I mean, I am pretty awesome. I try to be brave and talk a good talk to protect women and such, but it is really just to impress them so they are more likely to sleep with me. Deep down, I am a coward.

6. How do you react physically and mentally to stress or danger?

I try a lot of bluster and try to seem mad and intimidating. However, if danger actually progresses, I'm the first to grab the woman beside me and pull her in front of me. When really stressed or scared, I drink.

7. Everyone indulges in something from cheating on a diet to something dangerous; what is your guilty pleasure or vice?

Sex and booze. I don't dabble in drugs because I am afraid of an early death. I mean, who wants to leave this awesome life?

8. What is your filth threshold? How do you respond when things aren’t clean enough for you.

I am a bit of a clean freak. I use a paper towel to operate the faucet in the bathroom, open the door and such. I usually have a travel back of wet wipes in my back pocket. I particularly don't like icky liquids and often flap my arms and go "eww!" if I get something nasty on my skin.

9. You have become quite good at what minor criminal activity?

I am really good at picking locks. It started as figuring out how to get out of handcuffs. You know, occupational hazard. But that expanded into an interest in locks, and I am really good at opening doors I shouldn't.

10. You are normally very close to your family, but recently you have fallen out of touch. Why?

I got caught in the pool house with my brother's wife. And her best friend.